Here’s another entry for our Daily Junk blog series (straight from the Junk Mail box): “Get Your Website Ranked High in The Major Search Engines…” Gotta give these guys a little credit for at least spelling the words correctly…but I’m also going to point and laugh at them because of some other rookie mistakes. Let’s begin…
From: info1@scenescentral.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 3:55 PM
To: Reither, Jeremy
Subject: Free Search Engine Optimization Analysis & Ranking Report For Your Website!
Can you believe it? This guy is offering to give me something for nothing. How lucky am I?
Free Search Engine Website Analysis and Ranking Report of Your Website!
Awesome. Thanks so much for offering me this exclusive package. Oh, what’s that? You offered it to 12 Million other spam recipients, too? Oh, and you don’t know the first thing about website analysis since your website is still “under construction.” Well, thanks anyway.
Get Your Website Ranked High in The Major Search Engines When your website is ranked highly in all of the major search engines, this is the most important key to your company’s success.
Can you say “run-on sentence?” How about a little punctuation, guys? But let’s just assume this isn’t total gibberish, and follow their logic: search engine rankings is the most important thing ever – period. Huh, sounds like they might not have a firm grasp on how businesses works. Search rankings don’t do you much good if you’re not prepared to capitalize on them with a functional website and strong sales and customer relationship processes. But let’s put reality aside for a second, and humor them.
Your business goes from being unseen, or ranked very low to a very high ranking, making you sales 24/7.
Wow, that’s fantastic. You go from being invisible to making money while you sleep – just like that (*snap*). These guys must be gazillionaires. They’re just having trouble getting that pesky website of theirs up and running.
At no cost to you, our search engine optimization experts will run a free ranking report showing you exactly where your website currently stands in all the major search engines. Then we will email you our analysis report along with the recommendations of how we can increase your ranking, and improve your websites targeted traffic dramatically!
This almost sounds legit. Well, except for that part about “experts.” I’d love to hear the recommendations, but I don’t want to waste my time.
For Your FREE Website Search Engine Optimization Analysis, & FREE Ranking Report Today! Please click here [sitereport@mail2america.com (subject: For your Free Website Ranking and Analysis Report Type Your Name, Company, Email, Website, and Phone Number Below)] so that we can run a free analysis and free ranking report which most companies charge $399 for.
The ‘click here’ part links to some mail2america.com email address? What’s that all about? What’s “mail2america”? I thought you were called “ScenesCentral.com SEO experts.” There went that last bit of credibility.
We look forward to helping you increase your sales this year from your company website.
How’s that for a personalized message. So warm and fuzzy: “your company website.” This guy hasn’t even figured out how write personalized spam.
If you no longer wish to receive further offers, please click here <mailto: support@scenescentral.com ?subject=discontinue>. Your email address will be removed within 48 hours.
Ok, yeah. I’ll make sure I reach right out to you. Very considerate. Note to self: delete this email and click the ‘spam’ button.
25 Ave. at Port Imperial
West New York, NJ
07093
Classic. An intersection (not an address – an intersection) with no name. What’s this for – are we supposed to go hang out there at the street sign and wait for you? Oh, by the way, there is no “25 ave” in West New York. Nice try though.
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